


Indulgence

by zimturtle



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Fingering, Graphic Sex, I'm using these characters to cope okay, Jesse learns how to love, Love and whatnot, M/M, McGenji - Freeform, NSFW, Trans Male Character, Trans McCree, Trauma, hinting at past abuse, sex and stuff, working through things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-29 20:50:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20088580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zimturtle/pseuds/zimturtle
Summary: Jesse doesn't know what love is, but he knows he's supposed to like sex. Genji is patient.





	Indulgence

**Author's Note:**

> I think it's safe to say most people have been through some shit. I've always had a hard time putting how I feel about sex into words so instead of doing that I'm making Jesse feel how I feel. This is an indulgence for me but if you relate to it too and it helps you through something, I'm glad. I hope you enjoy.

“Genji.” He whispered between fevered kisses and heavy pets that were steadily growing more and more impatient as the seconds ticked by. His tongue tasted like _ heat _and the whine that left his throat as Genji ground himself down against his crotch could only be described as desperate.

Two robotic and two flesh hands gripped and sought for each other like the pair of them wouldn’t see the sun but Jesse stilled, a familiar emptiness settling deep in his gut and an unwelcome apathy gaining momentum as they rocked. 

The ninja above him was distracted, hands smoothing downward trying to get his big belt buckle out of the way. He didn’t register that Jesse was no longer saying his name in reverence, didn’t realize that his partner was stalled.

He tried again, more insistent this time, _ “Genji.” _ A knot was starting in his chest and there were pricks of heat and moisture starting at the corner of his eyes as he placed his palms flat on Genji’s chest and pushed slightly. _ “Stop.” _

All motion ceased immediately and for that he was grateful, but in that moment the most he felt was unsure. His chest was labored with heavy breaths, but not from the excitement. His jaw ached from how hard he was clenching his teeth and he _ hated it. _ He hated feeling like this, feeling so wrong about something he knew he _ should _enjoy.

The warmth that had been building was chased away by the cold of shame, guilt, and a whole mess of ugly feelings spinning around like a storm in his gut. 

Genji watched, concerned. He tipped forward and held Jesse’s face in his hands, gently encouraging him to look up. “Jesse?” It was intimate, like coaxing a child out from hiding and the expression painted on his cowboy’s face was heartbreaking, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I _ can’t _\- just.” His eyes screwed shut as he begged for the tears to halt their flow, he didn’t want to cry he didn’t even know why he was reacting like this all of a sudden. “Gimme a sec sugar,” He wheezed after a moment, “Just gimme a sec.”

He jostled Genji from his lap to stand on shaky legs and threw on the sarape that had been tossed away not even five minutes ago to brave the chilly night breeze, cigarillo in hand before the door behind him even slid shut all the way.

Breathe. Drag in. Breathe out.

The habit was terrible and he would be the first one to admit it, but it was calming. The repetition soothing some of the demons still rattling in their cages. _ It’s okay _ , he told himself. _ It’s alright _.

And yet.

He knew it wasn’t. 

He knew why this was happening, understood in the deepest meaning of the word but the knowledge wasn’t a comfort. In fact, it only made him angry.

Genji was trustworthy, so why was he remembering the people who weren’t?

Genji was kind, so why did he start thinking about those _ mean _bastards?

Genji _ stopped. _

So _ why. _

His fist connected with the railing before he even fully registered it, a McFist shaped dent left in its wake. Dammit. He still wasn’t used to the arm yet. That was going to come out of his paycheck for sure.

The sliding door opened and a chill ran down his spine as he put out the cigarillo in his hand, fanning the air to keep Genji from breathing in the acrid smoke. He didn’t turn to face him, eyes closing to wait for the inevitable, the talk he’d long been avoiding. He didn’t want to have to explain.

“Jesse.” Genji started, leaning forward on the rail, pointedly not saying anything about the dent, “It’s okay.”

He huffed, frustrated with himself and with the situation, “No, actually, it ain’t okay because you see, I was really lookin forward to this. I have been. For a while.” Their relationship had taken turns since the beginning. It had started with angry heated kissing in storage closets and escalated from there, quickly turning into handies whenever they could find the time and leaving marks on each other for fun. The emotions came slower, but they got there. Not once had they actually slept together, and not once had Jesse let Genji into his pants. Not even to return the favor.

It had taken a lot of trust building to get to this point and Jesse’d been so excited to finally try out this sex thing and. Just. Fucking hell he’d ruined it.

“And what’d I do?” Jesse pinched the bridge of his nose and pushed the air out from between his teeth. “I freaked out and now we’re here.” Everything inside of him was a combination of flat emotion, anxiety, and guilt. He felt like he might be sick and wouldn’t that just be the icing on the cake.

Genji tried to put his hand on his shoulder, but pulled it away as soon as he saw Jesse flinch.

“Fuck, I’m sorry darlin’ I didn’t mean to- just. _ Fuck. _” An anxiety attack was surely imminent at this point.

“Jesse. If you do not wish to be touched then I will not touch you.” Genji spoke with conviction and not a hint of blame but Jesse couldn’t help but blame himself anyway.

“I shouldn’t be like this babe I mean, look at you you’re _ stunning _ anybody would be lucky to have you an’ here I am pussy footin’ around an’-” 

“Jesse stop.”

And he did.

“Look at me.”

And he did that too with some reluctance.

Genji nodded when he was satisfied with their eye contact. “There is nothing wrong with you Jesse McCree.” 

Jesse’s eyebrows knitted together and he chewed on his lower lip as he looked away, not believing the words his partner spoke.

_ “Look at me.” _

It was harder this time. He had to really convince himself to wipe his nose and face what Genji was saying. He deserved that much he had been so patient all this time.

“What others have done to you does not constitute your worth Jesse McCree. It _ is _okay. I am glad that you expressed your discomfort and I encourage you to continue to do so.” He paused, “There is nothing wrong with you.”

Jesse let his head tip forward, a few tears squeezing their way past his iron grip. His body went rigid and the chill in the air permeated into his skin and settled beneath his bones. He couldn’t help himself. _ “I’m sorry.” _

“Shhh.” Genji moved toward him slowly, unsure, but when he wrapped Jesse in his arms he was relieved to feel his partner give into the embrace. Genji pet his wild hair down as he spoke, “It’s okay Jesse. It’s okay.”

They stayed like that until Jesse’s shivering stilled, his head buried in the crook of Genji’s neck.

“Would you like to go back inside?” Genji prompted, swaying to rock his cowboy slightly.

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

Wrapped in the spiced warmth that was McCree’s favorite serape, they held loosely to one another on the couch. Genji had found something on the discovery channel for them to watch and it was calm. Safe. The broiling waves of emotion in the pit of his stomach slowly found their way back to their respective shores and he relaxed. It was okay. _ He didn’t have to _, he told himself. He didn’t have to and that’s what mattered. 

Genji wasn’t going to hurt him. He squeezed the hand that was wound together with his own and looked up after the third episode faded out to the end credits.

“Genji?” His voice was uncharacteristically soft, even to his own ears.

Genji tilted his head and smiled softly down at him. “Hm?”

He shut his eyes, not completely trusting himself to be able to say what he wanted to. He took a deep breath, letting it out slow and easy. “Fuck me.”

Genji took hold of his jaw, rubbing at the stubble and waiting for Jesse to open his eyes before speaking, “Are you certain?”

Not finding the words, all he could do was nod and lie back, covering his eyes with his forearm and offering himself up on a silver platter. 

But then he felt his arm being moved away, a gentle hand prodding his own two above his head. 

“Tell me what you need McCree.” Genji spoke low and downright sultry in his ear, “Tell me in explicit detail how you want this.”

He felt the air rush out of him and a very warm insistent _ throb _as he clenched. It was all he could do to sputter, “Please don’t make it sweet Genji fuck me raw like you ain’t never fucked no one before.” And even as the words spilled from his mouth he couldn’t believe it. He panted heavily, keeping his eyes shut.

The pressure that had been holding down his arms disappeared and he expected an immediate start, something hot and heavy to happen. His body was tense with anticipation, but what he felt was a soft hand on his cheek. And when he opened his eyes what he saw was Genji’s eyes glowing with genuine _ care _ and real _ feelings _. He felt something flutter in his heart and fleetingly wondered if he might die from it all. 

“Jesse you do not have to do this.” Genji insisted and he meant it earnestly. 

A smile stretched its way over his teeth as he leaned up to kiss this beautiful man that he did not deserve, “I know darlin’. That’s why I want to.”

And it seemed that was all it took for Genji to start. With a flourish, Jesse found his shirt, pants, and underwear gone in a matter of seconds. Boots flung across the room. Socks hanging from the TV and for a second he had to wonder if Genji had meant for that to happen.

The sarape stayed on. Why he did not know, but he was extremely grateful for it. 

“Gorgeous.” Genji muttered above him, fingers tracing the faded scars that littered Jesse’s body, paying particular attention to the crescent ones he’d had since he was 19. 

A breathy moan left his lips at the soft caresses, legs spreading to accommodate Genji’s body between them. _ “Genji.” _ He whispered for completely different reasons this time. The slight space between them allowed for the air in the room to make it apparent just how wet he was getting and he _ clenched _as he pushed his crotch forward, trying to make it obvious what he was getting at.

“I know Jesse, I know.” Genji made his way lower, no teasing involved thank heavens. Jesse wasn’t quite sure he could handle teasing right now.

“You’re so _ wet _ already.” He said it like a prayer and Jesse could hear the smile in Genji’s voice, but before he could respond, something hot and slick was making its way up between his folds and he just had to _ stop _for a second to process. 

_"Fuck.” _ A shiver ran down his spine and he was given no time to recover before it was happening _ again _ but this time a tight suction pulled at his fat clit and didn’t stop and his voice split as he squeaked and ripped at the couch cushions. _ “FFFFFffffUUCK.”_

It _ didn’t stop. _ Genji was doing something with his tongue, something _ amazing _ with his tongue to make the pressure wane and wax and wane and fucking _ wax _ and Jesse couldn’t keep up. His lower half was shaking as he tossed his head side to side, calling out for mercy in a language that didn’t exist it was _ too fucking good. _

_ “Please don’t stop oh my g od please don’t fucking stop.” _

A finger worked its way inside of him, then two and they curled and he _ screamed _ as the pleasure coiled up tight and bright and _ searing _at the spot where Genji was vacuum sealed to his cunt.

_"Genji..fuck.” _ He pulled his knees up and reached down to grab a fistful of hair, using the leverage to grind hard and fast against Genji’s _ fantastic mouth _ and begged for, _ “More please more!” _

Another finger, the sucking more insistent, the small vibrations from a groan and he was done he was fucking _ deceased _. Mouth open wide in a silent scream as he shook apart, Genji emerged from between his legs with a satisfied smile, eyes bright and wild as he fingered Jesse through it.

“F-ffff-_ fuck. Fuck. _ ” His toes were permacurled, legs twitching, fists up by his chest as the rhythmic spasms inside of him finally stilled. “Holy _ shit _Genji.”

“Yes?” Genji propped himself up, hanging over Jesse, a hopeful smile on his lips and worry in his eyes.

“_ Fuck _ .” Was all he could manage in return. Jesse breathed heavily, wrapping his arms around the weight above him and planting kisses wherever he could reach. His body was still curled up tight but his joints felt like they were strung together by jello. “That was _ amazing. _”

“_ Good. _” Genji nuzzled his way into the crook of Jesse’s neck, holding on tight and loving every second of it.

“What about you?” 

“What about me?” 

“Don’t you wanna...ya know?” Jesse paused, unsure. He didn’t want to be selfish but he had never been this far _ willingly _with another person. Memory would dictate that he return the favor but the thought threatened to pull him under once more. He took a breath and attempted to turn Genji over.

Genji stilled him.

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m,” He let loose a frustrated sigh and tried again to put Genji on his back. “Just lemme pay you back darlin’.”

“Jesse stop.” 

He stopped.

“Look at me.” 

This again. He sucked in a breath as the tides threatened to take him over, and steeled himself to look.

“I want you Jesse.” Genji’s gaze was clear and solid. Grounding. “But what I don’t want is for you to_ pay me back. _” 

Jesse turned away as best he could while still under his...boyfriend? Is that what they were now? 

_Why do I have to be so stupid._

“Fuck. Okay.” He couldn’t help how sorry for himself he sounded. Something just felt wrong inside of him. A tightness gripped at his chest. “I’m sorry.”

“Jesse…” Genji started, moving to hold his cowboy tighter. “Please don’t be sorry. You did nothing wrong. We don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with and I certainly don’t want you to feel like you _ owe _me anything or that you have to do anything for me in return. Ever. What I do with you is out of love, nothing more.”

Jesse took pause and turned sharply to scrutinize the boy above him. “Love?” He whispered, almost afraid.

“Yes.” Genji was undeterred. “Love.”

For a moment it was as if he couldn’t breathe. Love. He had said the words. Jesse had been nothing but a mess all night, screwing things up left and right and yet here he was with the most beautiful man under the sun being told that he was loved. He almost didn’t even know how to process this. Disbelief was the first thing to come to mind, but only lingered for a moment. He trusted Genji more than anyone. He wouldn’t be doing this, wouldn’t be _ saying this _ if he hadn’t meant it. 

He was so patient. So kind and earnest. Brave and strong when he himself felt weak and helpless. And after all the time spent between them it wasn’t until this moment Jesse realized something.

“I love you too.” He smiled, voice watery with emotion. 

His lips found purchase as his hands gripped Genji’s shoulders, moving to be on top and straddle his lover. 

“_ Mmhhh-. _” He drew the sound from Genji’s lips like water from a stream, grinding his naked hips down against his partner’s protective suit. 

“Take it off.” Jesse begged, desperate fingers making no headway with the straps that held the suit in place. 

Genji nodded, making quick work of the thing before sliding back down onto the couch. “Jesse,” He paused, one hand up to stop him from being tackled on the spot, “Are you sure?”

“I told you to fuck me Shimada,” Jesse smiled ruefully, knocking Genji’s hand out of the way before pressing him down onto his back, right where he wanted him. “And if you ain’t gonna do it,” He positioned himself carefully, grinding Genji’s tip between his silky folds, drawing out delicious sounds from the soft lips below him. He was tempted to lean forward and drink them up. “then I guess I’m gonna have to do it myself.” 

To punctuate, he took hold of Genji fully in his hand, aimed precisely, and slid down in one fluid motion. An involuntary, breathy moan punched it’s way out of Jesse’s throat as Genji whined, eyes rolling back as his fingers dug into the waist above him, holding on for dear life. 

It took a moment for Jesse to get used to being full, but after a brief adjustment period it was easy to move. He found his rhythm, hands on Genji’s chest, grinding down and forward, up and back, down and forward. 

“_ Fuck _ ,” Jesse persisted, letting his full body weight drop _ hard _ with every thrust. Genji positively _ keened _beneath him, face flushed and mouth open as he tried to remember how to breathe. 

Jesse leaned back to play with himself, encouraging Genji to thrust up into him and as they rocked he could feel that pressure building again, his nub pulsing in his hand so hard it almost _ burned _. 

“_ Jesse! Kuso- Jessie I need to- _” 

“_ Do it baby do it ple-ase. _” 

Genji shoved himself as deep as he could and _ released _ and that was all it took. Jesse was a howling mess, warm from head to toe and _ hot _in between. He rocked through it, loving the pulsing feeling deep inside of him before falling forward next to Genji on the couch. 

“_ Fuck _.” 

Genji pet his hair, breathing heavy and planting kisses wherever he could find space. “Me too.” He laughed and Jesse decided that was his new favorite sound. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He smiled. It was going to be alright. In his heart he knew it. He was going to be alright. “Could you grab a rag or somethin’? Feels like the Grand Rapids is goin’ down my thigh right now.”

Genji laughed again and patted Jesse on the back before standing. “Sure.”


End file.
